You know, Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Chopper and Nixon
But do you recall
The least famous reindeer of all?

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you

This is the tale of a reindeer that nobody knows
Shoved down the back and largely ignored on account of a nasal disfigurement
Not unlike Rudolph in that sense
The hallmarks are almost the same
Instead of a red shiny nose that brought Rudolph his fame...

Fabian had just... a cavity

No nose at all
Just a big empty space
In the middle of his face
Scod: Just a couple of chambers

[Fabian: What are you looking at? D'ya want a piece of this?]

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you

Abnormal snouts were surprisingly common in reindeer
Rudolph and Fabian both fell victim
To the elves and their cost-cutting measures
In keeping their overheads down
The elves fed the reindeer on reindeer.
And on top of that, the poor reindeer were also inbred

So Fabian had just... a cavity

Tripod: His hooter was lacking
Bugger all schnozz!
All this because
His dad was also his sister
Who he then ate.

[Fabian: This chicken tastes funny. Can I have some of yours?]

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, tragic but true

Disliked by his peers
This disfigured deer was alone
He watched from afar
As Rudolph the star
Would lead all the others back home

But before you get too sympathetic
There's another thing you should know
Sure, his nose was upsetting
But reindeer are not quite that shallow

'Cause Fabian was... a tosser

[Fabian What! ]

Not nice at all!

[Fabian: Argh, who ran out my batteries?]

An arrogant fool!

[Fabian: I look good in this, don't I?]

A self-serving tool!

[Fabian: I write my name on my stuff for a reason! ]

An absolute face-hole

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, no one likes you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian surgery won't fix the vortex
That is your black heart